Living Thoughts

A girl, a man, a plan: A Baby!

2010-12-24T19:09:00.000-08:00

In most of the world tonight, children have gone to bed excited about what the morning holds. There will be a plate of cookies with nibbles from the cookies and an empty glass of milk. There will be more presents when they wake than when they went to sleep. Stockings will be stuffed and smiles will be on faces as the world awakes after a visit from Santa Clause.

This Christmas is different for me. I could give birth to my son at anytime. I am "Great with child." It really has be thinking about Mary some 2,000 years ago. What it would be like today if I declared to my family that I was miraculously pregnant and that I knew my child was conceived by the Holy Spirit because an angel had told me so?!?!

I've thought of this before, but now, NOW that I know what it's like to carry a baby inside, I am amazed at what took place for the Lord Jesus to come to earth. Every child, in my eyes, is a miracle. God plants them within the depths of women as a gift. The woman gets to spend ten months growing close to and larger with this special present. As excited as I am to have Reid here with me soon, I can only imagine what Mary would have thought as she prepared for Jesus' birth.

I have so many hopes and prayers already lifted over Reid...but what would Mary have prayed for? " Dear Baby inside me, I hope that you grow up trusting in yourself." It's a thought that really has been filling my mind. I have prayed over Reid with joy, with fear, doubt, smiles, and tears. What would Mary have done? I suppose that she worried about raising this Christ-child. I have a human that is all human growing inside me. She had a human that was part human and part God. What a great responcibility had been placed in hers and Joseph's hands?! Greater than my mind can imagine.

If you are reading this and you are about to me or already are a momma, think about ALL the thoughts and dreams that you have/had for your sweet little miracle. Try to put your mind in a place similar to Mary's. It's almost to much to process.

This Christmas, I am thankful for the story that begins on December 25th each year and ends with Easter Sunday! I praise God for sending his son through a miracle and taking him away to provide an eternity of miracles to come. I am thankful for my Jesus who was born a man so that he could face every form of temptation as me, and yet he remained pure. I am thankful that my Jesus, who had all the power to call the angels to remove him from the cross, remained there because of the love he had for me. ( He died for ALL the sins in the world that day. I like to think that my great big Jesus though of little ol' me when he made the choice to stay.)

I am thankful for the girl named Mary, the man named Joesph, the plan of God, and the result: A baby named Jesus. I hope that all that I love and care for never forget that He is why we celebrate this holiday. We give gifts because he first was given to the world.

I am just so thankful for the sweet baby Jesus, that grew into a man and died for me, Reid, and the rest of the willing world.

Where I am Today.

2010-12-16T06:39:00.000-08:00

Where I am today is a good place. I am warm. I am semi-comfortable. There is noone around that is traveling the same jounrey as me. I am on my own, unique and individual path right now. The comfort that I so easliy welcome is that while this is my individual jounrey, I am no alone. You know the famous picture and poem, Footprints in the Sand? That is me, right here, right now! I am being carried every step of this seemingly gloomy path by my heavenly father.

He has brought me through so many things before. I knew that he would not forget me now. He is helping me right a story of Psalms. Daily he allows me to chose to praise him in the storms and chaos. Sometimes I am able to muster the faith to raise my hands and bow my head and thank him for the works he is performing. Other days, I want to ball up my fists and thrust them in his face with a tearful, resounding "Why?"

I can remember one other time in my life where I questioned God with a sense of anger in my heart. It was a time that he proved himself as an all loving, all knowing, all providing God. I have never forgotten that feeling when His glory was revealed then. And now? Now I sit on the edge of the unknown. It's as though I have climbed a mountian. I've reached the peak. And now I am standing here waiting for the next set of directions as to what to do to get off of this mountain.

My tour guide has not abondoned me, He's right beside me.

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know how long I need to stay on top of this mountain and allow the Lord to work. I don't know anything other than this:
I trust in the Lord's plan for me. I know that ultimately, I can place all of my faith and trust in Him. He will guide me to a path ladden with blessings rather than plagued with thorns. He can bring redemption and beautify the filthiest of fields.

I stand on this principal: The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the word of MY LORD stands forever.

It's been too long

2010-09-15T06:19:00.000-07:00

Dearest MB,
   Tomorrow you might get your name. I am going to have an ultrasound that might reveal your gender. I am quite excited to get this news!

   I have felt you moving inside me. It's a little flicker here and there. You do it most often after I eat or when I roll over while sleeping. It took me a while to be sure that it was you, but now I know your subtle and gentle movements by heart.

   MB, I love you more than words can describe. Please know that your daddy and I are looking forward to your entrance into this world and our lives. We are working very hard to give you the best in all things. It's not always going to be easy, but it will always be worth it. The Lord is at great work in your father and I. I hope that you feel the presence of your heavenly father already in your life. I love you, my little miracle. I love you more than I will ever be able to tell you. May my actions towards you speak of my love greater than any word I share with you.

A Letter to My Baby Within

2010-07-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

Dear MB,
It's been a while since I've written to you. I think about you all the time. You are already stealing my heart away from things that used to matter to me. In the mornings, you are still making me a little sick, but you're beginning to ease off on me! Thank you for the easing off ;- ) We get up every morning at 6 am. We have the quiet house to ourselves. In the shower I pray over you as I wash my hair and especially when I wash my tummy. It blows my mind when I think about you being just on the other side of my hand.

When I drive to work, we praise the God that has given you to me and your daddy. There is a certain part of the drive where we round a curve, start accelerating to merge into traffic, all the while heading down hill, and then it happens. The sun is starting to rise into the high sky. The oranges and yellows of sunrise color fill the sky like smoke billowing from a fire. It never ceases to cause me to say out loud: "Wow! God you are so amazing!"

A lot of times, I sing really loud because I am enthralled with the presence of HIM who sent you our way. I believe that you are going to be one well loved child. When we get to work, the children all ask about how you're doing and when will I get to tell them if you are a boy or a girl! They want to know so much more than I do at this point.

Here's a funny story straight out of the camp chronicles:
I was watching the kids over their lunch break while all the other staffers were out to lunch. I was eating, and not bu any means was this surprising, salt and vinegar chips. One of the kids walked up to me and told me that I really should not be eating those. "They are not organic. If you want your baby to be healthy and smart like me, you need to eat only organic food now. And when the baby is born, you need to make homemade organic baby food for it."

See, even the 10 year olds that are in my life love and want the best for you. It's a great thing!

On our way home from work, we are quiet. After 9 hours oh thirty or more children, the quiet is nice. That seems to be the time that I get emotional when thinking about you. I get teared up when I think about you and our future together with us and your daddy. I sometimes cry because I already love you so much and only want the best for you. The journey home is filled with thoughts of you, my precious little baby within.

I am already so deeply in love with you. I can't wait to meet you and see your face for the first time. I've started to try to figure out a name for you. I've , at least, begun the long process of what I like, what sounds good, and what has great meaning. It will be a little more simple once I know your gender, though I do have a sneaking suspicion I alredy know what that is.

MB,
I hope that you always know your mommy and daddy love you and want nothing but the best for you. We want to point you in the direction of your Heavenly Father. We will fail you. We will fall short in this world, not on purpose by any means, but, it will happen. Please know that HE will never fail you. My hope is to train you in a way that you know that God is your portion. He will never be too little nor too much for you. HE will always be there in the right proportion for you my and more importantly HIS child. May the love that we have for you now, cause you to grow in the warmest and most precious way.
I love you more than anything in this world,
Mommy.

The reality of what I'm living

2010-07-16T03:32:00.000-07:00

I've been floating around on cloud nine; basking in the dreams and ambitions I already have for my precious little MB. I am staring to look pregnant and not just fat, but I am guessing losing 30 pounds has something to do with that.

Last time I wrote, I was getting ready to go see MB for the first time. I left here minutes after posting and went to the doctor's office. I knew in my heart of hearts that I was somewhere around 6 weeks. As I lied there on the ultrasound table, I felt about as nervous as the moments right before walking down the isle to get married. I was so sure that God had given us a miracle in the form of a child, yet at the same time, I had this unexplainable fear that I was going to be told I only had a chemical pregnancy. It only took about 4 seconds from the time the lights were dimmed and the technician said, "Okay, let's see this baby!" that WE DID!

There, on a black and white screen in front of my was out little blueberry of a child. It was ore miracle and MB was moving around all over the place. MB's heart rate was 171 beats per minute. MB has a head and arms with little hands and legs with little feet. I asked her to just let me watch MB for a few seconds. She held the wand still and there was my baby; heart just a beating away, head just a noding away in a away to say to me: "Yes! I am in here!" As captivated MBs form in all it's precious and amazing smallness on that screen, I just cried. I cried tears of victory over man's lack of faith in God. I cried in sheer amazement that the Lord has appointed THIS as the time for ME to be a mother and Jeremie a father. I cried because I just met a miracle!

I STILL do not have the pictures scanned and the ability to post them! Shame on me for not being technologically motivated to find a scanner after working for 9 hours with 30 + kids, right? ( I will eventually get to posting those pictures!)

That said, My reality these days is this: I am tired. Often. I still have morning sickness. All day. I find myself crying for no obvious reason. And today is Friday. I have plans this weekend: sleep as much as freakin' possible.

The story I will tell

2010-06-25T05:27:00.000-07:00

Today marks a new beginning to the story I will one day tell MB. It will start something like this:

The day that I first saw you was a Friday. I had been sick all morning and was just sheer tired from my first week working at Summer Camp. Tending to 30 kids is drastically different than tending to one. That morning, I woke up and started packing for our family trip to Texas where we went to visit your Aunt Janine, Uncle JP, and Cousin (yet to be named.)

It will so something like that anyways!

Today I am so excited that I get to see the little form of baby growing within me. I am so excited to maybe see a little heart beating and to GET PICTURES of the baby. I hope MB likes the concept of having lots of pictures taken! Anyways, I am off to the doctor's now. I just had to type out something to calm my nerves!

If only they made Sisterhood of the Traveling Maternity Pants

2010-06-16T11:04:00.000-07:00

Today I was a little sad to try to slip into a pair of jeans. I've lost over 15 pounds now with this baby on board, but the waist is not getting smaller. That little poppy seed sized baby is changing me BIG time. Today, I am wishing that I had a pair of the magical jeans from the upcoming hit: Sisterhood of the Traveling Maternity Pants.

I have included the cover of the movie for you here. In a picture perfect world, these pants will fit all women all the time. I need a pair today. Instead of stylish jeans for my appointment today, I will wear stretchy pants. Just typing that I am haunted by none other than...

Nacho Libre in HIS stretchy pants. It's all I can hear in my head. "When you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants. In your room. For fun."

Folks, stretchy pants are already a necessity in my wardrobe. This is going to be a fun ride through all the changes pregnancy brings. Stay tuned. There are sure to be more stories like the one brought to you today. Enjoy. Laugh. Wear Stretchy pants in YOUR room tonight!

A stick, a potty break and OH MY GOSH!

2010-06-10T05:16:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday I played the role of mom for two of the cutest seven year old twins. Their single mother had to fly out of town for a job interview so I spent Monday night and all day Tuesday with them. I woke them up, made them breakfast, made them change out of the old, dirty clothes they both thought they were going to wear to school, made them eat the breakfast I made, made lunch (fresh quesadillas), and then ran to bathroom to throw up.

And in a familiar way, I stood in the bathroom throwing up for a few minutes then rested a bit before going to get the kids ready and out the door for school.

In between all the things I had to be at the school for that day ( I made four trips back and forth from the school in one day), I stopped and purchased 3 pregnancy tests. I've thought several times before that I may have been pregnant. I've walked to the back of the store and picked up that same box many times, hoping that I'd see a positive. Well ladies and gentlemen, I SAW THE POSITIVE THREE TIMES ON TUESDAY!!

I am pregnant! There is a little miracle growing inside me right now! I am going to be a mommy to a little boy or little girl in less than a year! OH MY GOSH!

I went to the doctor yesterday for confirmation and it was confirmed. There is no due date set right now. I have not been on a regular woman's schedule for years and haven't had a period since December. On the 24th of this month I am having my first ultrasound to see my little miracle for the first time. There they will measure MB (Miracle Baby) for the first time and predict my due date.

I've seldom been at a loss for words to describe just about anything. I am there today. I am amazed by my God who is still ever so active in the miracle working business. I am blessed and humbled that HE has given us a child to raise and nurture into His kingdom. I am astonished that MB came to me even though I was on birth control. I am excited about seeing MB for the first time in only two weeks. I want to make it through this whole nine months of pregnancy. I yearn for February( or so) and to be able to hold MB in my arms. I have goose bumps at the thought of it all.

MB,

You don't know me that well right now. You're just a tiny little miracle inside me. I've suspected your presence for about two weeks, but on Tuesday when I saw the first positive sign that you were within me, I gasped and held you tightly. I couldn't believe that it was time for me to start falling in love with you. MB, I am so in love with you. You are already so precious and so amazing. I can't wait to see you in two weeks. I know that there won't be a whole lot to see, but just you will be enough! I look forward to hearing your heart beat for the first time, and seeing you over and over again. I can't wait to feel your first movements within me. Please be gentle on me. I love you so much precious baby. Know that you are already so loved in this world. There are so many people praying for you! There are so many people waiting to lavish you in their love. My prayer for you is one of safety and health. I can't wait to lavish my love on you and to show you the love of the ONE who gave you to me. You are my precious little one!

I sure do love you,

Mommy

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1

Genuine: It's not some crazy form of chemistry!

2010-05-27T21:00:00.000-07:00

As all teachers of all ages do, I sat today and flipped through the pages of my dictionary. ( Funny? I know it is too.) I started looking up several different words. One that stood out to me was "genuine", an adjective meaning,

"free from pretense or hypocrisy; sincere."

I pondered on this for a while. What in my life is genuine by the standards of this definition? What friends do I have that are genuine? What genuine beliefs do I hold? What actions display a genuine heart and purpose?

The kicker in the definition is that word pretense. It's a loaded word. Here is what dictionary.com has to offer on this word:

–noun

1. pretending or feigning; make-believe: My sleepiness was all pretense.

2. a false show of something: a pretense of friendship.

3.a piece of make-believe.

4.the act of pretending or alleging falsely.

5.a false allegation or justification: He excused himself from the lunch on a pretense of urgent business.

6.insincere or false profession: His pious words were mere pretense.

7.the putting forth of an unwarranted claim.

8.the claim itself.

9.any allegation or claim: to obtain money under false pretenses.

10.pretension (usually fol. by to): destitute of any pretense to wit.

11.pretentiousness.

As I go through life, I realize more and more just how many people live under some sort of pretense. Con men live under many different pretenses in hopes of gaining from their false claims of identities and purposes. Children live under pretenses in hopes of avoiding trouble in some fashion. Employees are not always their genuine selves in hopes of advancing the corporate ladder of success. Any and every where you turn, there is someone not living life genuinely.

I think that to live a genuine life, one that is free of pretense and hypocrisy, means to die to that part of ourselves that desires to please and be seen as pleasing to others. What is the point and gain in living life under a single if not many different pretenses? Check out what Ephesians 4:25 The Message has to say about this subject:

"What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ's body we're all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself."

A life filled with pretenses and lacking some genuineness, is a life filled with lies; lies to self and lies to others. There is nothing to gain from lies. I suppose that it could be argued that you gain momentary satisfaction in escaping from the truth being revealed.

Proverbs 12:19 says : "Truth lasts; lies are here today, gone tomorrow"

I like the idea in being able to wake up tomorrow and living in a lasting world. Lies and pretenses lead to a life where you wake up and must remember your yesterday carefully, as to keep up with all your stories. Living in the truth ultimately leads to living the most freeing life anyone could ever live.

So I encourage you to take off the masks that you've put on. Take off make-up that you apply to your wounds from this life. Be real. Be Genuine. Don't live under any type of pretense. When you do, you are lying to yourself and all those around you. If you hurt, say you hurt! If you are scared and uncertain, admit it and seek for solace. What is there really to gain in pretending to be what you're not? I mean really, is there anything lasting you gain?

I close with this: In John 8:31-32, Jesus was speaking and He said ( my paraphrase here)

If you live in My word, then you are truly my people and you will know the truth and the truth ( wait for it ) THE TRUTH IS WHAT SETS YOU FREE TO LIVE, really and honestly EXPERIENCE living.

I don't know about you (3) who read this, but I quite like the idea of living life free of others' cares and concerns about me. I'm not in this world to impress people, I'm here to leave an impression on their lives for the kingdom!

ER: Round One

2010-05-19T23:33:00.000-07:00

In corner number one: Jeremie W King weighing in at the coolest cat I know. In corner number two: the most hateful gallbladder, GB as I will now call it, that lives in the King household.

GB takes a punch at Jeremie. GB swings and.....hits hard directly to the lower right abdomen. It's a sucker punch, especially given that Jeremie had no idea it was coming, and he had just eaten the Pioneer Woman's wonderful meatloaf courtesy of my Marmee. GB swings again and hits hard following a bite of the most scrumptious mashed potatoes in the world!

GB really knocked Jeremie for a loop on Saturday evening and on into the early hours of Sunday morning. There were all were ( Me, GB, and Jeremie) standing in the ring ( the emergency room) while GB kept throwing right upper jabs to Jeremie's tummy. There was no blocking. no dodging, no avoiding this assault. Jeremie summoned his posse ( the team of nurses and the ER doctor) to come in the ring and give him aid ( three rounds of Morphine, Dopamine, and Toradol.) They were successful in assisting Jeremie leading to his triumphant defeat of the treacherous GB Sunday morning!

Round One came to a close only after fighting for about six hours total. It was along fight, but Jeremie arose on top with the mindset to eat a BRAT diet: Bananas, Rice, Apples, Toast.
Final Score
GB:1 attempt
Jeremie: 1 Triumph with Medicine!

P.S. Let me just say that going to the ER is on the very bottom of my list of things I want to so AND very close to the top of things that I despise. While there Sunday morning, we were placed in a "room" ( it was two walls and had a large curtain that made up the non-existing other two walls) right beside someone who kept having to produce stool samples. Jeremie and I ended up with our faces burried in the warmed blankets. GROSS......reason 4, 123, 435, 453,453,453,400 why I particularly hope that they build an Urgent Care somewhere in this town!

Got A New Blog Do and the ER

2010-05-18T11:38:00.000-07:00

If you're reading this, you see that my blog has a new look. I love this new look. It suits my inner hippie and naturalist all in one shot. I hope that you like it as much as I do.

And now, for anatomical picture time!

Stupid, Hateful, gone in two days, problem!

On a different note: Jeremie will be having surgery on Friday in order to remove his gallbladder. Saturday evening into early Sunday morning, my honey started hurting. After about three hours of discomfort it turned into sheer excruciating pain. We ended up in the ER and had an interesting visit there. It should have a post of its own. Anyways, please be praying for us both this Friday. I trust that all will go well. Jeremie will be operated on by the same man that removed by gallbladder two years ago. And wouldn't you know, Dr. Sims is about to leave for a mission trip to Africa. It melts my heart that our lives keep encountering people who are doing African missions.

Hope that you all ( the three or so of you) have a great day.

We Two Kings of Cu-uu-lo-whee

2010-05-13T06:40:00.000-07:00

Here is my man, world! Eat your heart out. Just in case you've not gotten the vibe from me about us, I am totally and madly in love with this cool cat right here.

It's almost gross how much we love each other. After three years of marriage and approaching our sixth year of togetherness, we still hang all over each other, talk in funny voices, and have silly names for the other (loving, but silly names.)

You see, we're the kind of couple that isn't going to let age mean anything within our marriage. We can be serious and all grown-up, but what kind of fun would it be if we were like that all the time?

And so I'll close with this: I sure do love my hubby and want the world to know, that without him, I'm just chubby but with him I'm just in love! (Can YOU think of something better that rhymes with hubby? I couldn't!)

Where Would I Be Without Her?

2010-05-09T21:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Mom,

I know for a fact that you will eventually get to read this. I'm not going to point it out to you or tell you about it. I'll just let this be out in space until you decide to mention it.

I hope that you had a great Mother's Day today. I want you to know that despite Greensboro ( I couldn't resist), I love you dearly. On the way down this morning I kept thinking about how thankful I am that the Lord allocated you as my mother. You, dear Marmee, are one strong woman. I watched you endure a living hell for years. Your strength both carried you through it all and led you away from it. You have a sometimes quiet, sometimes loud strength within you. It is this characteristic that will always be in the front of my mind when thinking of you. You're not just strong. You tend to be a woman of her word. As a child, I knew that if you said you'd be at a game or something else that was important to me, you'd be there. As I got older, I knew that if you said be home by 12 or else, I didn't want to see or live through the "else." Now, I know that your words of encouragement are not empty, but rather filled with experience and love. You're strong and you live by your words. Marmee you are also loving, gentle, and kind. I believe that you are a person who would give someone else the shirt off your back. You would cook a meal and house ANYONE in your home in order to display His love and Your hospitality.
Some of the greatest lessons you have taught me in twenty three years have been those that were never directly spelled out. For instance, being sure that I wash up after a meal that someone has prepared for me in their home. I remember hating having to do this as a child! I hated it! Now, it is something that is engrained in me and keeps my heart with servanthood in mind. Whether you resent it or not, your spirit of serving others is astounding. In your core, you'd set aside anything in order to help someone else. Watching you do this for so many years has led my heart in a similar direction. Don't be surprised when I call you to tell you I'm leaving the country to go help others that struggle in this life. You laid that path for my life, yet you never had to instruct me in these matters.
Other unspoken lessons have been instilled in my life simply by watching you. I learned it's best to clean a kitchen as you cook so you don't end up with a huge mess. You passed your love of a good laundromat session on to me, as well. I love having my sheets as tight as they will fit on my bed and sometimes I make my bed up just prior to getting into it. I like to do things my own way without others hounding me. I like to be who I am wherever I go.
I like the things I like and do the things I do because YOU are my mom. So, where would I be without you? First, I wouldn't exist, but if I did, I'd be a less rounded, more hopeless cause than I am now. I'd have missed out on one of the world's greatest mothers and would have lived a boring life for sure. You've taken us on quite some rides but I wouldn't have had it any other way.
I love you, my dear Mother. I am so thankful that the Lord laid it in your heart to keep me. I enjoy life, the ups and the downs, the valleys and the pinnacles. I am so thankful for a mother who knows the Lord and is not ashamed to admit her failures and struggles. I think that I will be a better mom because of you! You've prepared me well. I think that I will make you proud in this life. I treasure our relationship and hope that it proves to be like a good Shiraz, only gets better with age!

You're a great mother, a dear mom, and my marmee forever! I love you!

Heart filled with worship

2010-05-03T22:37:00.000-07:00

Here is our King
Here is our Love
Here is our God who's come to bring us back to him
He is the one,
He is Jesus

And what was said to the rose to make it unfold
Was said to me, here in my chest
So be quiet now, and rest

Thank you Jesus for telling us to rest. Thank you for your ever near presence. Thank you!

You are a God that takes all that I fear and turns them into reasons and chances to trust you. I cast all my cares upon you Lord! I will fear no evil, for my God is with me!

Showing Some Husbandly Love

2010-05-02T17:01:00.000-07:00

Just wanted the world to know that I have a fantastic husband. He is my sunshine on cloudy days. My rainbow amidst the rain. He brings a colorful approach to black and white situations. He makes me laugh when I need it and holds me while tears roll down my face. He is a man yearning for God's purpose to be revealed and active in his life. Jeremie's name means "The Lord Exalts." We are waiting and I am praying for the time where this man that was gifted to me from my heavenly father is used in a way that exalts or God. I believe that the time in closer than ever before! I love my husband and praise God for every part of his character. I think that I am the luckiest of the relationship. Sure we've had our trials and some tough circumstances; through them all, we've grown closer to each other and God. It's so wonderful to see God's presence manifested in our lives. I look forward to following my husband wherever God leads him. I look forward to growing old with the one to whom my heart belongs!

Thank you Jeremie King for asking me out on that first date six years ago!

Thankful

2010-04-27T09:21:00.001-07:00

Today I just wanted to make a list of some of the things I am thankful for.

1. A wonderful 3 years of marriage.
2. A wonderful family that loves and supports us.
3. the rain
4. My Jeremie
5. My Suvannah
6. Days where I can sit and relax around the house
7. home
8. sisters that still want me around
9. flowers
10. Our weekend at the Cove and the blessings I hope will flourish as a result

There ya' go. A quick list of some things that I am thankful for today. I am going to go watch my husband work on getting all his possessions into a hiking pack. He wants to be ready to leave at the drop of a dime. I sure do love him!

Sisters

2010-04-15T10:25:00.000-07:00

Bringing a child into the world is no easy task. For some, becoming pregnant may be one of the biggest accomplishments to date. For others, getting pregnant is as simple as laying down. ( Sorry, but it seems that way to me!) What is universally the same is this: it takes two people's contributions to create this tiny person to be born in the next 9 months.

My two "contributors", if you will, were Alvin and Kathy Comer. At the time of my conception, my parents were not married. They were in love and got caught in its rush , I presume. Within 6 years of my birth, my parents got married and had two more contributions to the world: my sister, Hannah and Katy.

The three of us have the same parents. Our father is ours! Our mother is ours! Just as our parents claim(ed) us, we claim(ed) them. I add the (ed)s because in November 2007, our father passed away due to complications from a stroke. It was sudden. It was painful. It was something I wish I could have done something about, but could only sit, pray, and try to comfort him.

We have the same parents, but they have such diverse children!

I am the first born, the oldest, the (by the world's definition) independent, strong-willed child. ( I am the oldest, first born, independent, wear my heart on my sleeve ,not afraid to show emotions, creative, with a dash of 60's flower child...I think) Oh, I am a dreamer as well.

Hannah is the middle, born four and a half years after me. She was only the second child for a little over a year. She is independent and strong-willed. She is opinionated and vocal; loyal to all with whom she aligns herself. Hannah is a great person to have on your team; you're sure to win with Hannah on your side. She is intelligent and will accomplish great things in life. She is well grounded in all her beliefs. Hannah is quick to refrain from showing great emotions. During the process of losing our father, Hannah had an intense yet quiet strength that exuded from her. She inspires! I love being around Hannah when she's laughing. It brightens my soul!

Katy is the baby of our family. She is independent (found that in the last two years), free spirited, and fun loving. She is a bit of a dreamer mixed with a touch of goofiness. Katy is a little bit unpredictable in all areas of life. She is a homebody with the dreams of one day marrying in Las Vegas. Katy has a quiet strength about her that appears in small increments when it is appropriate. She loves music! Katy is a person you'd want on your team to keep morale high from her moments of insanity and humor. She inspires. I think it's safe to say that Katy is passionate and devoted. When she believes in something or someone, she invests all her resources into them. She loves unconditionally.

You see, we three are sisters, but tend to be very different. We're not like the sisters of Alcott's Little Women where we all gather 'round the piano at Christmas time and one plays songs whiles the others chime in. We don't conjure up plays and scripts then preform them to our friends and family.

We COULD and WOULD do all of that if it was presented to us as a challenge or it would benefit some greater cause, but our natures are not ones that would flock together under any other relationship or circumstances, less we were made to be sisters.

How magnificent is it that I get to know these two flourishing young women? Seriously? And then not just know them, but I have the honor of calling them my family. Only God could orchestrate something with such mindfulness.

I can't wait to see where the Lord leads my sisters. I am so proud of the things they have overcome and of the growth and maturity they have and are developing. I am proud to be Hannah's sister. I am proud to be Katy's sister. I pray that my sisters know my love for them. It's greater than any words would begin to describe.

Sisters is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship.
Margaret Mead

So Tired of the Now

2010-04-15T09:44:00.000-07:00

I am sick of who I have become. Selfish, lazy, lacking the organic evidence that I am all that I claim to be and believe in. I am tired of who I am now. I want nothing more than to be as effective as possible for Christ and His Kingdom. It's such a difficult thing to do here in the selfish selfish world. Daily I find myself forking out money in order to pleas myself in one way or another. I'm so tired of that. God's given me the ability to work and earn money as a provision for basic needs...all the extra I should be using for Him and His people. It's gross to think about how much money I have spent on ME in my life. Absolutely disgusting.

It's NOW time to find ways to be frugal with what I have. I have time and talents/gifts that I should be using to further the kingdom. Instead, I find myself wasting away. There's no purpose in a wasteful life, right? Right!

I am opening myself up to the Lord, asking, NO! begging Him to reveal where I need to be in this moment of my life. What is it that my soul is yearning for? I know that it feels a stirring; I'm just praying for His direction.

This is all I have to give

2010-03-08T08:57:00.000-08:00

My all never seems to be enough. I fall short of meeting man's expectations ALL the time. My life has taken a turn in 2010...I am no longer in my student teaching semester in college, instead, I will receive an incomplete and begin my journey, once again, in the fall semester. I gave my all to this semester...it wasn't enough. I hope that as the days turn to to weeks and those turn to months which lead to my new graduation date, that I begin to see the craftiness of the Lord. My heart is telling me that there is something for me in this experience. My God is still the God that allows all things to work together for good! He is still the God of yesterday, today, and tomorrow! I can rest in the knowledge that I have not slipped through a crack nor the palms of his hands. He sees where I am and how I am. Even though I gave my all in this semester, maybe my all is needed elsewhere. Nothing is impossible with Him. I resolve to make today filled with wonderings about my God. I resolve to look forward and upward instead of reaching into my past, looking backwards, and asking what ifs that so often flood my mind.

My God is full of greatness, graciousness, wonderment, adoration, and desire to capture my heart at its very core.

Father,
I know that you cause all things to work together for good. You are so wonderful! You are so beautiful. The skill that is in your hands used to craft my life and its story that is being played out now is too great to understand entirely. Nothing compares to the greatness of knowing and following you! Nothing compares to you Lord! Thank you for being my sustainable rock when all that was around my was sinking sand! You are my strength when I am weak, you are my sunshine when I find myself in a pit. You are the hand that extends all that I know and need to survive. Thank you for chasing my heart and for capturing me. Lord, I want to follow where you lead; not just carry you wherever I go. You are my leader and I want to follow with all that I am. Open the doors that you want me to run through. I'm done with just walking with you, I want to run with you. I want to cover greater distances and wider regions. Take me where you want me! I am yours!

Battle of Entitlement

2010-02-27T21:25:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been in a situation where you knew with all your heart, that you deserved better, or at least, something other than what was being given to you?

I have found myself right in the middle of feeling entitled with little to no merit for my feelings.

In the book of Esther, there is one person who faces the Battle of Entitlement- Haman. We know that his character in the bible only makes it through the premiere season...I mean, Haman only graces our presence in the book of Esther.

He was the character from the story that made me think of entitlement. Here is a man that has no real clear importance, until the king promoted him over all the princes. Seems like a big jump in the corporate ladder to me. Haman went from what seems a nobody to someone who was bowed and paid homage to. Seems like a really big jump, huh?

Have you ever found yourself promoted from nothing to something over night? This could be in your job, home, church, or just plain ol' wherever. I know that I have experienced promotions after lengthy portions of time. It was something that I had worked hard at earning and yet was still surprised to receive my new wages and responsibilities. It was exciting to be noticed for my work and rewarded with a promotion! My promotion came after a year spent working any task that was given to me. I cleaned grills, I cooked fries, I hosted parties, and I hugged some old peoples' neck in order to make them want to return to our facility. I loved my job, most days. I think that is what motivated my employer to promote me to a manager.

I wonder how Haman felt when he was suddenly in charge of all the King's lands? His actions indicate that he felt proud and that he felt...entitled. Haman made it clear that everyone should bow down to him, and when Mordecai refused, Haman , in his entitled state of being, sought out ways to teach Mordecai a lesson.

His sense of entitlement was a blinding misfortune to himself. Haman eventually found a way to eliminate not only Mordecai, but all of the Jews in the land. He was entitled, according to only himself, to do whatever necessary to see this through.

All in all, Haman's own life was ended by way of the gallows he'd prepared for Esther's uncle, Mordecai, the Jew.

How often does any good come out of our actions when we are feeling entitled? In my brief life on earth I've experience no good from my actions, or any others', when they are led and carried out with this attitude of entitlement. As a child redeemed by the grace of God, I am now entitled to all of His kingdom. I am making the choice to live with that, and ONLY that sense of entitlement.

My Bucket List

2010-02-27T21:01:00.000-08:00

I started my bucket list about seven years ago, I try to add to it every now and then, especially when I realize something I want to do. Right now, I'd be a happy camper if I could cross off more things from my list. Only time will tell if I get to accomplish these simple 3o things.

Tell me, what are your top ten Bucket List items?

1) Watch a friend give birth and help in the process.
2) Build a home and plant a garden for someone in need.
3) Visit Alaska for some period of time.
4) Go to Uganda and serve Christ there.
5) ~~Get Married~~
6) Have a biological child ( and carry it full term)
7) Cause a change that is noticeable by people around me.
8) Leave a legacy that someone wants to write about.
9) Write and publish a book which sells thousands of copies.
10) Find something to say to someone that leaves a life-lasting impact on them, only to find out much much later that I did so.
11) See my sisters happily married to men of God.
12) See my mother find happiness in life after the coast.
13) Learn how to give a massage correctly
14) Graduate from college with a degree in Elementary Education
15) Learn how to play at least one song on the guitar
16) Write a children's book and have it published
17) Take a photography class
18)~~Create a piece of pottery~~
19) ~~Go on a camping trip~~
20) Ride a jet ski
21)~~Watch someone else get a tattoo~~ Watch someone else get a tattoo
22) Turn 50
23) Continuously fall in love with Jeremie
24)~~Truly help save a life.~~
25) ~~Get a t least one tattoo of my own.~~
26) Find the friend I lost in all the moves. Sarah Elizabeth McCormick.
27) Find my niche in this world!
28) See Hannah, Katy, and Jessie graduate from college.
29) Become a National Board Certified Teacher
30) Own a home, and paint a room Red!

Well Into 2010

2010-02-15T10:35:00.000-08:00

It seems foreign to click on "New Post." Shame on me for letting this be a truth. I have missed blogging, but have found such little time to sit down and write....anything...other than....LESSON PLANS. I am ready to be in my fourth year or so of teaching when I've learned what does and doesn't work for me so I can seem to teach off the cuff.

All that said, please allow me to share some things of the heart. After all, Valentine's Day was just yesterday (Hope you all had a great day of embracing the love that surrounds you!)

Here I go:

Have you ever felt like you're in the middle of some great big battle? When you've been there, have you stopped to ask yourself ' How did I get here?' or 'Who's battle is THIS anyways?" I've been in all of these situations. Today, I was reminded of some of the battles we find ourselves in along our earthly journey to heaven. I was reading in Ruth ( I read the entire book. It's a very quick 10 chapters!) and realized several battles.

1) Battle of Authority
2) Battle of Entitlement
3) Battle of Religious Beliefs

Over the next week or so, I will share more of my thoughts on these three battles. Today I will start with the first one.

Battle One: Authority

* The king's authority was challenged when Queen Vashti refused to come to him upon his command. Her challenge of authority opened the doors for Esther to enter the king's courts.
* Haman felt threatened by Mordecai the Jew. I am sure that Haman felt he deserved respect, honor, dignity, and to be paid homage to. He felt her deserved to be treated as a man of authority and Mordecai refused, thus challenging the authority of Haman in front of an entire city.
* According to the law, Esther's uninvited approach to the king could have been viewed as a challenge to his authority. She had found great favor in the king's sight and he "extended his scepter to her"; he did not view her actions as disrespectful.

As a child, immature and inexperienced, the challenging of authority is often done out of aggravation, wilfulness, stubbornness, or many even reckless abandonment for rules and authority. Challenging authority or boldly going against the rules and regulations set forth by said authority figure often leads to reprimands and consequences. For Queen Vashti, her bold defiance of the king's orders landed her behind outside the city gates, without her crown or royal title. The scripture does not give Vashti's reasons for refusing the king, it does however lay out a perfect example of the consequences one may face when blatantly refusing to obey authority figures.

Like Queen Vashti, I have been one to challenge authority. I am, after all, a free-willed, independence loving flowerish child. I like to march to my own rhythm and not necessarily let others hear it. I don't mind standing out and I like to do things unconventionally. I don't think this was the case for Vashti. I think that she'd had enough of the king and just didn't want to do as he requested any more. I've been in this place in my relationship with God.

I've forgiven and tried to forget. I've laid aside goals and dreams to pursue what I feel is my calling. I've done uncomfortable things so that I could be stretched and moulded by my Wonderful Potter's hands. On top of all things spiritual, I try to keep a clean house, make dinner at least once a week so I feel like a half decent wife and woman and then stay on top of the MOUNDS and MOUNDS of school work that lay upon my shoulders these days. I do and do and nothing seems to be enough. I've been in this place before. This place where I fail to remember that Christ is never going to ask something of me that HE cannot help me accomplish; that HE is not going to guide me and teach me through. Should I challenge Christ? No, not in a million years. Do I challenge Christ? Yes, somehow, even after learning the lesson once, I still think that I can plan better than the One who created and sees all time.

So what does all this mean to me?

KEY IDEA: Challenging authority seems to be a part of life, so do it's consequences. Challenging my parents or teachers often led to life's learning moments. Challenging Christ has always led me to a heart filled with sorrow and regret of my stupid actions. Is it ever right to challenge authority? Absolutely. There are people, like Haman out there, that are in authoritative positions yet have hearts filled with malice. Godly authority is established to keep us safe and directed. We should heed it's directions and cherish it's role in our lives.

Prayer or Psalm

2009-10-15T21:55:00.000-07:00

Lord,
I am leaning on you right now. I am hurting on many levels. You know them all. I am trusting that your promises from the Bible to the prophets, apostles, and disciples are true for even my life. I know that you can see yesterday, today, right now, and tomorrow. You, Lord, can see tomorrow's next year! No other person or being has Your abilities. You are almighty. You are worthy! You, my God, are ABLE. You are able to heal, reveal, conceal and be real in my life as well as Jeremie's. You are mighty to save us from our very own selves, and for that I will forever be grateful. Lord, you see the areas that are hurting and the areas that are yearning for you. Please come touch my every portion. Lord, be so full inside me that my sweat becomes that sweet, sweet smell of You. Be so full within me that I can't help but overflow Your words, Your actions, Your everything God! I don't want to be anything worth mention on this Earth. I want you more than I want to be a wife, a sister, a daughter, or a mother. Lord I am being so honest. I want Your spirit living so vibrantly through me, that I am able to walk into lands that have never seen you as Comforter or Healer and they become comforted and healed. I want my life to be one that points to You and Your awesomeness. Make me drip with you. Make my footsteps ones that only step in Your perfect path for my life. Father, expand my territories to where you need me; to where you can use me to affect the lives of children in a way that brings them into Your Kingdom.

My Truth

2009-09-24T05:40:00.001-07:00

This is the truth and promise I chose to live in and I speak over my family:

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, And to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, Yet those who wait on the Lord will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.~ Isaiah 40:28-31

Praise be to the God we serve. He is never late nor is He ever early. God is on time! and it is only because His timing is perfect. He knows our every need in and out. He weaves His love and peace into the very fibers that create our form. He is so good to me and I am so unworthy of what He has bestowed upon me!

Father I thankj you for your guidance. I praise you for your embrace. My heart and soul are comforted at the sound of your voice, at the presence your Spirit has in my life. Make my words sweet and my presence one that leaves your sweet sweet smell lingering through the halls I tread.
I praise you for your wonderful glory!

So tired

2009-09-21T23:58:00.000-07:00

I am so tired.

Life is so hard.

He is my strength.

But what do you do when He feels so far away?

Spirit of Fear

2009-09-15T08:42:00.000-07:00

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7

This verse came to me today in the form of an online devotion I have subscribed to. I read it and it struck a deep chord within me. You see, during my summer hiatus, Jeremie and I went through some things that caused me to fear. I was afraid for our marriage, afraid for Jeremie and myself as individuals. I was just in a state of fear for what seemed like weeks.

Now this verse comes to me in a time where my flesh wants to fear but my heart and soul know otherwise. It is a gentle reminder (maybe not so gentle, really) that God still speaks to His children.

This time of the flesh that we have here on earth is so hard. My spirit longs to be with my Creator. The Holy Spirit that guides me while I am here, longs to take me in His ascension as soon as possible. But that is not my purpose. I need to keep in mind that there are so many people out that there I am supposed to meet and point to Christ before I myself can truly experience life, life with Him.

Recently in life, I feel that Lord is using me in my very own husbands life. My loving husband is battling a huge spiritual battle in this time of his life. He sees and feels the calling of the Lord upon him to do great and mighty things. Jeremie knows that we are not going to spend the rest of our life together in North Carolina. We have prayed that our territories may be expanded and our hearts are now feeling the call to expand. Around the same time that Jeremie voiced this calling to me, Satan in all his nasty nastiness decided that it was time to attack Jeremie. Satan, you have no hold on me or my family. You are not welcome among us and YOU WILL NOT WIN.

I am posting this so that you(whomever YOU are) will take this matter before the throne of God. Pray that the peace that supasses all understanding would overtake my husband's mind. Pray that the God that we serve will continue speaking to my husband. And on that note, God has used so many people and forms of technology to speak to Jeremie in the past few weeks. I will never cease to be amazed and in awe, truly awe, of the God that allows me to serve Him.

Love be with you all,
Maggie

It feels good!

2009-08-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

How I have missed writing in my blog?! It feels so wonderful to be writing again. This semester of school promises to be my most difficult! I am interning in a fifth grade classroom with a teacher of about 15 years. I will be teaching a handful of lessons between now and December. Starting in January of next year, I will take over the classroom. I will teach for 10 consecutive weeks!

My desire to become a teacher is really starting to come into focus and I am in awe. I know that the Lord has called me into this profession and HE has some big plans for me in the realm of education. I can't wait to have that moment in life that I realize, oh that thing that happened earlier...that was it. That was one of the reasons He had me in this place and time. That will be an exciting day.

That said, I have to go hit the homework. I have 16 hours worth of classes, 15 hours worth of internship and 15 + 16 equals 31 hours a week that I am stressed or borderline insane. Bare with me if my postings appear more as rants. I am already so tired from the work load. It is all very demanding of the mind and body.

Until next time,
Maggie

God is good, ALL the time.

2009-08-21T13:05:00.000-07:00

Hello blog world. It is a joy to my fingers to return to the keys and make words again.

It was one of the best things I've ever done, taking a break from blogging and spending that time, instead, with my wonderful husband. The Lord allowed us to work together ALL summer and it was wonderful!

I will be resuming my regular type posting as of tomorrow. Just wanted to hit the keys a little bit to make sure the fingers still remembered what it felt like. ;- )

Here is a little glimpse of the fun we had this summer, and yes that is our vehicle in the background!

Taking a Break

2009-05-28T07:48:00.000-07:00

I am going to take a blog break. Just thought I would let you all know. I am taking time, instead, to be with my husband and delve into the word of the Lord. Post to you all sooner than later. Have a happy rest of May and best wishes in June!

Pray

2009-05-21T21:19:00.000-07:00

If I have yet to say this, I know why now is not the time for us to have a child. I know that more than I ever have before. We still have growing up to do!

That said, please pray for Jeremie and I. There is a lot going on right now and I just need all the prayer we can get. Take us before your churches and into your prayer closets. I am breaking inside! I need His touch in our lives!

A Day of Prayer

2009-05-21T06:53:00.000-07:00

Today I am praying for the Chapman family! Please join me in lifting up this family as they walk through today marking one year since they lost their sweet, precious Maria. Death has no sting for those of us that know Christ, but as for we left behind, it indeed hurts. Please pray specifically for the Chapmans to SEE Christ today and to SEE Maria as well as comfort and peace to fall upon them in a way they know is Christ-sent.

Until soon,
Maggie

For I am confident...

2009-05-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

Today, I want to begin with a prayer:
Father, I am so gracious for the talents that you have given me. I praise you for my ability to sit down and write these posts. Today, I ask you to bless all involved with this post. The inspirations, the readers, and me the writer. I ask that you use this to continue drawing my heart closer to you; to draw others closer to the heart of Jesus! I praise you for the storms and the bright rainbow in my future. I love you and praise your name.
Amen

I have given much thought as to what to post today. I have plenty of material to join the "Noe Me Monday" crowd, but I am not one to join crowds by nature. I have thought about ranting and raving over the stupid things I have seen all around, but I want to remain positive. So I am going to share something from the Lord today. That was my blog's purpose all along, right?

Let's first turn to Romans 8:18, and leave a mark there, we'll be going back to Romans.
"For I consider that the suffering of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us."

In my journey toward a family, I am so quick to stop and compare my suffering of the present to my suffering of the past. I grow fearful of what is growing inside me.

Let's read on to verses 15 and 16 in Romans 8:
"For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry, 'Abba! Father!' The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God,"

As the daughter of the Living King, who has lived, is living, and will continue to live, I have THE Spirit inside me that is not one of slavery and fear. I can dwell among the living rather than fear of meeting the dead (in flesh and spirit.)

Romans 8:28
"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

I praise the Lord for calling me to Him. I am NOT going to fear. I am going to take these words to the Romans and hide them in my heart. I am a child of God. I am and heir to His throne. There is not need to fear. He has called me to be His and He will work all things our for me.

Philippians 1:6:
"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."

Still Here

2009-05-16T15:35:00.000-07:00

I am still here. I am brewing a post as I type. I will put something up on Monday. As you read this, please be in prayer for Jeremie and I. I feel the Lord is preparing us for something in our future. Keep us in your prayers.

Until Soon,
Maggie

When it rains, it pours!

2009-05-06T06:17:00.000-07:00

In the lovely, and recently swampy, Cullowhee, NC, when it rains, it pours. I mean this in the most literal sense a girl could mean. I think that the sky is till blue, but could not be certain after a week of rain.

The rain is mystic to me. It is usually dark when it rains. Here in Cullowhee, Spring and Summer showers bring lots of thunder and lightening. So...when it rains it is often very dark and very loud here. Having a writer's heart, I find myself in marvel of God's creation. I should have walked paths with Whitman and Frost! I just know that I should have!

The rain comes to us under dark circumstances. There is often fear associated with the thunder and lightening that so many times go hand-in-hand with the rain. Let me tell you a story:
As a child, I remember my mother loving when a storm came. She would turn off all the lights in the house and sit at the window, making us sit with her, to watch the lightening and storm roll through. I was always afraid, yet still was able to find marvel in watching lightening in the distance. We sat there and watched for lightening then began counting until we heard the rolling thunder. I remember the angst of realizing that it was getting closer. When it finally seemed to be directly over our home, Mom was always there to comfort me through the storm.

Today the rain has me thinking.

Isn't my description of the rain an analogy for life- MY life? It is so easy to watch others be taken down the "sometimes distressful" paths that God has lead them to, knowing that in the end they are going to gain from the experience (distance lighting.) But when it is me that is on that path (dark clouds of rain over my head), it is never going to get better. Oh... Lord! Only you could draw me closer to you after a week's worth of rain.

I hope that as you read this, you see what I am saying here. I get it! I am just having a rain storm in my life right now. I am "somewhat distressed" as the storm seems to be looming directly overhead, but just as my mother has done, the Lord sits before me, holds me with His mighty love, and wraps His strong arms of comfort over my entire body. He is here with me today! He is comforting me through this storm.

How grateful I am for this lesson learned today!

Not so thrilled at the moment

2009-05-04T06:53:00.000-07:00

Today I feel tested.

Jeremie and I had our conversation that I had prayed and searched the scripture over. I did not go into as prepared as I has hoped. When I saw that, I also say this: We have to go tell a doctor in one week whether or not we want to start trying to have a baby. How could a week and all the emotions surrounding that be enough time to prepare for such a task as this?

Anyway, in a nut shell, Jeremie told me that he was not okay with trying to get pregnant under these circumstances. He feels that it should be in the Lord's timing and not ours pressed on the back with slight hopelessness and fear.

I crumbled in our little new miracle car.

Jeremie also said that it would be selfish of us to mourn the though of never having a biological child when there are so many children that have already been born and have no parent to love and care for them. Ladies, that hit home for me.

Many years ago, when Jeremie and I were still dating, we felt like we were going to be a couple that adopted. While I would love for the Lord to allow that in our lives, I can't help the maternal urge that is so very present and strong within me. I want to know the joy of missing my first period because there is a child growing inside me. I want to know the roller coaster of emotions that come as a direct relation to the hormones that change only when I am pregnant. I want to wake-up in excitement with the feeling of that first kick and squirm taking place as close to my heart as my darling child could ever be. I want the knowledge of a being before they ever breath. I want to be pregnant and have my own child.

And I know all of this, and I feel all of this, but I could not figure out how to relay this inner longing to my husband. I tried, but no word or combinations seem to properly represent what is within me.

So what do I do from here? I am not hopeless. I am not mad.
I am very much saddened at the tormenting idea that this doctor and this timing may be God's timing and my husband is not feeling His presence in this situation. I am very upset that there is something not right within me and I can't take any control over it.

Right now, I am going to rest in this:
1 Peter 1:6
In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

I am trying to accept that there is a miracle at the end of this painful road.
I am learning, through many lessons, that HE has amazing things in store for Jeremie and me and that sometimes, "if necessary" the distressful situations are just a means of including more people in HIS handiwork.

Pray for me today, as I am torn between the Spirit that dwells inside me and the world in which I live. It is so hard to remain focused on Christ and not on the impending doom that seems to be ready to attack at second's notice.

All things considered...

2009-05-01T17:56:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is a big day for us.

Jeremie and I felt that it was best to pray and ponder over this past week individually and then come together to discuss what we feel the Lord is leading us to do about our situation. Tomorrow, we will be heading to visit our families and discussing what we think the Lord is leading us to do.

I feel His presence and His peace.

Today, as I was reading in the scripture this verse came to me from my sweet Lord:

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen
Ephesians 3:20-21

Amen is the way I felt like ending it as well.

These two verses are so real to me in this moment of our journey towards a family.

First of all, He has already proven that He does far more than I have asked for, or even thought of. He has sent me an amazing group of women, all the way from Arkansas. Wow, I think of that and get chills. He loves me that much. I am so unworthy of His never failing love.

Second, there is a power working in me?! I praise the Lord. I am going into that doctors office next week with the mindset that I have powers working within me.

Third, He is going to receive glory from all generations. That means, that there are going to be more generations within our family.

I am holding on to this scripture as we are taught to do. I am hiding this word in my heart and claiming it as a promise made to me.

I leave tonight with this comfort from Psalms 115 (where I have been a lot recently)

The Lord has been mindful of us; He will bless us; Psalm 115:12a

Worthy is the Lamb!

And He is Still Showing Up

2009-04-30T10:03:00.000-07:00

Let me just tell you. I have never felt the presence of my dear sweet Lord more than in the past two weeks. I began praying for miracles in my and Jeremie's lives several weeks ago. God showed up in a big way via his parents. (Please see the previous blog.)

Well..the day that I got home from the OB/GYN, I was said and I was alone. Jeremie had school all day that day. I cried in the car. I cried in my bath. I cried watching 50 First Dates. My dog tried to comfort me, as I am sure that she senses something is not right with me. Then i checked my email.

My inbox contained a message from someone I did not know. I opened it up and wait for it....... it was addressed to someone named Shannon and the entire body was scripture about being held in God's hands, or Him being our refuge and our strength. My jaw just dropped. For the second time in a week, I was floored and amazed by what the Lord will do for His children. That was definitely a God Smile!

Curious as I may be at times, I replied asking simply who this email was from and who they were trying to get it to.

Next day, I get an email FROM ANOTHER STRANGER that says they are praying God's healing hand upon me (it was meant for Shannon King, but let me tell you something, IT WAS FOR ME TOO.) I replied to this email with something along the lines of " you have just been used as a miracle in my life. FYI this is not Shannon so you may want to try again."

Today, I find out that these two women were sending encouragement to a church member who is going through a hard time....IN ARKANSAS.

I hope that you can sense my tone here. I am freakin' amazed and yelling in my soul! I prayed for miracles and then get bad news and then He has people lined up sending me (though by accident on earth) encouraging emails all the way from Arkansas.

Today, I have shared a brief peek of my story with a person in Arkansas whose church is going to begin to pray for me. Just in case you're not up to date on your geography...that is over 600 miles from where I live.

I am just in awe of how great my God is!

..and that's about all I have to say about that (for the moment)

God Showed Up on Friday

2009-04-26T08:12:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I was a big blubbery mess. I was so upset about what was happening.

I posted asking that you pray that these two Kings get a miracle. Well God showed up on Friday morning around 11:45. My in-laws had been calling in the previous week asking if it would be okay to drive on Friday and meet over lunch. They said they really just wanted to get out of the house and drive a bit. Jeremie thought nothing of it. When I asked him about their time frame, he told me they would get here about 11 and have to leave by 2. I immediately asked him if they were up to something.

They were but we did not know it.

We met, exchanged the usual greetings and hugs to match, and went to one of our favorite on-campus restaurants. (Just in case you are ever, for whatever reason, in Cullowhee, NC, go onto WCU's campus and find rolling Stone Burrito. It is muy bueno!)
After we finished lunch, my sister-in-law said that she needed us to help her get something out of the car. Jeremie and I walked out there and this is what we saw:

The background to this story is that when Jeremie's father first got this 2001 White VW Bug with a turbo in it, I fell instantly and strongly in love. I have never had such a feeling from an inanimate object, but Squirt as she is now named, and I have been destined for each other for a while. My father-in-law started talking about selling the bug several months ago and I told him he had to give us first dibs.

As we walked out of the restaurant, I saw the sign and instantly fell into the trap. I said something along the lines of :"Is he selling that? He knows we have a standing agreement that we get first dibs on the bug. I can't believe it."

Then we saw the sign. Then my jaw hit the ground. Then I went into questioning "Are you serious?" much like the night my husband proposed to me.

Ladies and gentlemen of the blog world, May I introduce you to Squirt. She is a 2001 White VW Bug. She is the girl, scratch that, car of my dreams. She was given to us as a gift.

God showed up on Friday morning and handed us a great blessing. He met a long time desire of my heart and He smiled upon Jeremie and I.

I will post some pictures of us with our new car later.

Please Pray

2009-04-19T18:21:00.001-07:00

Tonight I am in tears. I am pretty sure that I lost a tooth filling this evening as I was eating the softest grilled onions I have ever eaten. I was a little freaked out when I bit and heard a crunch. I already know I need three dental procedures. I have been putting them off because of finances. There seemed to be no true urgent need to get these done. Who ever really feels the need to urgently go to the dentist anyway?

Well this was the icing on the cake for me. I am under a great amount of stress in school right now. This week alone, I turn in three projects that count for up to 50% of my grade in certain classes. I also finish teaching kindergarten. That really is bitter sweet. I have been placed in groups all year that really drive me crazy. I am ready to be finished being educated on how to educate.

In another front, I am currently have some MAJOR female issues. What should come to visit every four weeks or so, is coming every two...for the past three months. I am having a lot more pain than I was even six months ago. The pain is a constant and scary reminder that something is wrong inside of me. It is a constant stirrer of fear that I try so hard not to believe.

In yet another front, we are getting bills galore from my year of medical fiascoes. I had to have my gall bladder removed and I had what was very similar to a stroke. Now I am needing to go the dentist and get three procedures done (minus the one that may need to happen after this evening's onions took their toll) which have been quoted at the wonderful rate of about $800.

I NEED HELP! I am tired of working and I am even more tired of the strain of finances. How long must I wait for the time that there is no more pain, no more heartache, no more worries about how I will get out of the many pits I find myself in?

I am tired and I am crying. Please pray that I am renewed this week and that the Lord grants these two Kings a miracle in the future. I need it. My honey needs it. WE NEED IT.

Oh, and did I mention that our second anniversary is on Tuesday. Please pray that I get out of my current funk by then so that I can show the man that loves and takes care of me, just how much I appreciate and value him.

Until my next rant or cry fest or whatever,
Maggie

Gathering of all the Saints

2009-04-09T05:34:00.000-07:00

This morning, I had a wake up call. Well no so much a wake up call but I heard the alarm clock in life go off, loudly. I have been in a not so chipper mood this week. I am tired and have been having a sour stomach. It made me kinda grouchy, but mostly tired. Point:
As I fell asleep last night, I read a few blogs and then went to sleep. And then I had a dream. I saw all of the people that have gone before me to be with our Lord. I saw my dad, and let me tell you something...I think that I woke up crying and affected by that alone. This morning, I was reading a post from a friend who has lost her older brother and her younger sister in one year. I just sat with Pinkie (my little, wonderful laptop) and cried.

I am not sure what the Lord is summoning me for, but I fell His constant stirring in my heart. I know that I am here to make a difference. I hope in some ways, I may have already done so, but there is something big coming.
Back to my point:
So the dream and this post really got me thinking a bit. Read this and then close your eyes and picture all of the faith followers who have left their space suits (what my grandfather calls our earthy bodies) and gone to dwell in Heaven. (Close your eyes and imagine) I saw smiling faces of family members, I saw friends eager to reunite and rekindle relationships. I see a place that is indescribable in every way. More than what I see is what I feel. I feel cool, but not too cool. I feel a breeze that likens itself to a walk along the incoming tide. I also feel warm, like the sun is actually shinning upon me. I want to laugh out of glee and zeal but I want to cry because I am humbled that I see and feel what is before me. I am in awe that this was my destiny and that My Creator had me in mind when He made this sacred place. I am comfortable there...I know everyone.
And that is the moment I awakened. I woke up and realized that the Holy Spirit dwells within all believers and acceptors of Christ. It is the Holy Spirit and our desire to follow the life of Christ, God's only Son, that unites us as a body. And if this is true, then the thought of being brothers and sisters in Christ has never been so real to me.
I read the blogs of Kerry Hasenbalg and Angie Smith just about everyday. Through their words and transparency of emotions and places in their faith walk, I feel that I have never been so connected with a person I have never met. After this dream I realized that while we may be miles away ( not too many... I think they are in just the next state over) and our space suits may never touch, I am going to recognize these two sweet women once we are all joined in Heaven. Heaven is going to be THE place where all the Saints gather.

As for me and my space suit: I am looking forward to the day that I shed this ol' thing and gain my Glory Suit that is waiting for me at the pearly gates. My spirit longs to be in the place created for it. I long to see my dream become my soul's vision.

So Long Since

2009-03-20T19:52:00.000-07:00

Wow,
It has been so long since my last post. Let me tell you, I can feel it in the pit of my soul. So much has happened since the last post. Mainly, Jeremie and I have moved into a new apartment. It is much larger than our others and relatively cheaper. It is a blessing for sure. We are very happy to have a little more space.
Last week, we found a new part of our family. Her name is Suvannah (yes, it's spelled with a 'u' in order to be a little different.) Suvannah came to us from the Jackson County Animal Shelter. Her paperwork says that she is a Retriever Labrador mix. We think that there is some Beagle thrown in the mix as well. Regardless, this little puppy has brought a lot of joy and spunk into the King household. The week we first got her, she was a little sick. We hand fed her and pushed fluids in her using a baby syringe. I never thought that I would be that woman, but I sat on our couch holding little Suvannah, and force fed her Pedialite. It was indeed memorable. It made me feel happy.
On another front, I recently was able to find a fantastic job. I will be working in a private home with a 15 year old boy who has Autism. This will not be my first time working in this kind of position. There is such a pull on my heart for this area. Please, if you are reading this, Pray that I am fully equipped for the challenges that I am going to face. I feel that I will, but I know that I am supposed to stick with this. I will begin working with this young man in mid-April. Until then, I am training in the house and community with him and his current workers.
An aside: When you take on a position such as this, you take on a lot. I remember the first time I took a job working with a child who had a wide array of disabilities, I went in thinking that it would be a small girl. She turned out to be a teenager. I am crying even now. I am so burdened for this population in our world. Not just the individuals with the disabilities, but their families, their communities, and so on that are uncomfortable and unaware of how to handle the disability and the child as two different things.
I praise the Lord that has given my a hear that breaks over things such as this. I know that there is a reason He continually brings me to this uncomfortable yet familiar scenery. Let me tell you off the top of my head: I feel so strongly that the Lord is calling my heart towards adoption of a special needs child. It will not be easy and it will not always be fun, but there is that door to my heart that always is open for that.
There is so much stirring in my heart and soul. So much! Please bear with me over the course of the next few posts. You're eyes will have to navigate through my thoughts, as I am sorting them out via these posts.
So...Here is a scripture that has my attention. I love the Psalms. They are words from a writer's heart. Eloquently placed on page after page, they tell the story that I wish I could write myself. They are captivating. They are honest. They are beautiful and God-glorifying.

Psalms 103
11- For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
12- As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
13- Just as a father has compassion on his children, So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.

Let me tell you something. When I consider my future, I want so much to come from it. I want children. I want to get pregnant, carry and birth my own healthy biological child. I want to grow old with the man the Lord sent to me. I want things that I don't even know about yet. That is one part of me. Another, separate part, knows that there are somethings that I desire that are not His plans.

Each time I get close to another family who has a child with special needs, there is a little part of my that feels like saying, "Lord, you keep bringing me into this situation. I love working and helping, but I am also fearful as to what your plan is here. Is this what you have in store for me? Are you preparing me for something in my future? Lord, please reveal yourself to me through all of this. I know that you are here and I know that You have something for me to learn from all of this."

Now, I don't think that the Lord has a plan to send me a child with a disability. I DO believe that he has placed such a burden yet such a fear in my concerning this matter, that He wants me to pay attention when this comes into my life. He has my attention now.

Father,
I know that every time you bring me to this place in life, or one similar to it, you have something in store for me. You have such great love for me and for all of your children. You bestow such compassion upon me. I praise you for being the God who gives and takes away. Thank you for showing me Who You are. Thank you for allowing me to feel your presence. Please be with me in the weeks to come. I feel like you are preparing me know for some tough times. Give me all the strength I need and allow me the weakness that causes change. Thank you for your lovingkindness and your compassion. Thank you for loving me no matter where I am.

Just a Simple Thought

2009-01-12T11:45:00.000-08:00

I have been overwhelmed with words from the Lord and leadings to scriptures that deal with the body. Our physical body is such a vital tool to the spiritual body that we are all a part of.

I have jest been thinking today. I have thought about the dear Smith family that still find themselves in a state of mourning. I think about the Hasenbalg family, who are huge parts of Steven Curtis Chapman's Shaohannah's Hope. They have lost many in the past year.

I so wish that I could let the Chapman's know, personally, that they are in my prayers and thoughts in the wake of all that has happened. I so wish that I could take all of these people in my arms and home and give them some good Southern hospitality.

These are people that have been brought to light and their circumstances revealed as a result of elevated status. What is astonishing to me is the amount of pain that occurs daily in our nearby surroundings. I work in an office which helps college students find jobs in the local area. There are so many more coming in to use our services than this time last year.

There is so much pain in our world. There are people that have to plan the one meal a day which they eat. There are children who only eat when they are at school. They starve for food and attention. I could go on, but I think that my point is conveyed.

What can be done about these issues? There are local organizations where you can volunteer your time. Soup kitchens, habitat for humanity, and so on are some of these.
On a wider level, The Love Alliance is something that should be looked into. Pull up a search engine and type them in. This is a group I support whole-heartedly.

I believe that we are in a time where Christians are being challenged. We are to be the hands and feet to the world. Why are you not reaching? Teaching? Helping to heal those with pain?

Consider what I have written. If you have more ideas or you yourself are helping in someway already, please share with me. We are called to be fathers to the fatherless, to help the widowed, to love each of God's creations as we love ourselves. Let's take this year and listen to the voices crying out in pain. Let's make a difference for HIS GLORY in 2009.

Talking About Feet..Again ;-)

2009-01-10T19:43:00.001-08:00

Psalm 116:7-9
"Return to your rest, O my soul, For the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. For You have rescued my soul from death, My eyes from tears, My feet from stumbling. I shall walk before the Lord in the land of the living.”

There seems to be a trend in the words that I am receiving here recently. Can you tell what it is? Well I’ll just tell you. Its feet. There seems to be something that is drawing me to learn more and more about the way that feet and foot are used in the passages of the Bible. In this excerpt from Psalms 116, praise is being given to the Lord after a state of affliction has passed. My soul can rest as a result of the Lord’s dealing with me. He is the only one that can save our souls from death. Acts 4:12 serves as further confirmation of this thought: “And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved.”

This man that was all man yet all God at the same time, is the only one of his kind. He was sent to take on the sins in my life. He is a GodMan full of grace, love, and sufficiency. He, alone, is enough for this soul.

There is beauty in understanding that the one who allows our hearts to break, our eyes to cry, and our feet to stumble is the ONLY ONE that can heal all those afflictions. I tend to tell myself : “The beauty of a broken heart is knowing Who The Healer is.” I consider it an honor to be invited into His presence and considered one of His. I am joyous in the thoughts of Him placing my feet exactly where they should be.

This is that common thing: feet. We use them every day. The purpose they are meant to serve is transportation of our body. What comprises our body? Our heart, our soul, and The Spirit that dwells within both of these. Therefore, it is our feet that serve as the tools for reaching out to the world around us.
We so often call being a Christian, “walking” by faith or in Christ. Have you considered that walking involves your feet? I guess until now, I have not either. It is our feet that the Lord keeps from stumbling! He desires for our walk in Him to be stumble free! He sets our feet in high places. He causes us to walk in His path and ways.

Dear Lord,
Please let this blog touch someone like you have touched me. Allow me to appreciate your planting of my feet. Thank you for this word straight from Your Book. I praise you for the unrelenting pursuit of my heart. You have it captured. You have me and I am willing and ready for Your molding touch on the wheel. I am your clay. Be my Potter.
Thank you! Amen

Goodbye

2009-01-03T17:50:00.000-08:00

It is time to reflect and say goodbye to 2008.

Last year was full of interesting happenings. There were so many odd things that occurred yet all the while...I can say that I saw the Lord more in 2008 than I ever have before. It is safe to say that no matter how far we may stray from Him...he is never more than a turn in the other direction.

This year, I have fallen in love with my husband in a way only God and years allow. I have learned that there is such truth in the word of God. It has been solidified in
my life that when we cast our cares upon the Lord, He takes them and resolves and cares for us through them. He is really the most amazing things/person in my life! I am so thankful for the journey towards this realization.

Another thing I am thankful for is the growing independence and woman I am becoming. I have more strength and understanding of who I am as an individual but also as a wife, daughter, and child of Christ. It has not been a painless journey to the place I am, though it has been rewarding.

My prayer and hopes for 2009 is that I will continue to grow stronger in all these areas. I pray that my marriage takes on a new meaning for Jeremie and me! I love the man that he is! I love the amazing couple we are becoming!

Wise and Unwise

2008-12-16T07:24:00.000-08:00

" Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time..." Ephesians 5:15-16a

Do you feel like you have seen some unwise men and women in your lifetime? I know that I do. There are many days that pass and I consider the choices that I have made and the choices I've seen others make. What is it that motivates us to our actions?

In Proverbs 16:9 we can read: "The mind of a man plans his ways, But the Lord directs his steps." It is only with the Lord's direction, His Holy Spirit living within us, that we can walk in the steps of wisdom. Wisdom in this life can lead to the salvation of others. If we are wise in our choices, heeding to the direction of the Lord, I think that we will find ourselves in constant situations where we can share the name and love of Jesus Christ. After all, is this not what He wants us to do? Doesn't it seem wise to share His name?

This is kind of a short post...but it's packed with several punches. As you read it, I hope that you will consider yourself and whether your steps have been wise or unwise. Are you making the most of your time? There will be future posts regarding this same matter.

Feet Planting

2008-12-11T13:45:00.000-08:00

" I waited patiently for the Lord; And He inclined to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm." Psalm 40:1-2

Have you ever walked using someone else's legs? NO...that is not really all that possible. On the 18th of November, I started walking with legs that did not feel like mine. I was home alone and had what I thought to be a heart attack or something just as odd and devastating. I was taken to the ER where I was dismissed and discharged as a female college student having an anxiety attack. My legs were still not my own. In the days that followed, and many hours and tests later, I was told I had something that was a one in a million kind of thing...the estrogen in my birth control had affected my brain, causing me to have a stroke-like episode.

When I say that my legs were not my own, I really mean that I walked around for about a week and a half, not really comprehending what went on around me or how I got from point A to point B.

The Sunday prior, I felt a heavy conviction in my heart that led me to some serious conversations with the Lord (the kind you have with your tail between your legs.) I apologized and embraced his faithfulness to me and his loving kindness. It was so peaceful.

Amidst all of the chaos in trying to understand what was going on with me, I trusted the Lord, totally. It was not out of desperation, though there was that too, but an absolute confidence in His healing and protective hands. Yes, I was in a dark place for a while... I was in a pit of neurological warfare and I had no battle strategies. The Lord had already made a provision earlier this year, and I was able to be seen by a specialist in less than a week of the occurrence. (My doctors could not get me an appointment for three months. A friend on mine's father saw me three days after communicating with him! MIRACLE!)

What I want to relay here is this:
We are sometimes allowed to suffer and endure hurtful things in order to realize how amazing the God we serve really is. The Lord is not vicious nor does He want us to hurt. He does want us to look to Him first. To patiently wait for Him until the perfect time strikes and His divinity can be shown not just to us, but to as much of the world as possible.

Those legs that I walked around on were His. Mine are back and He has planted them firmly! How amazing it is to consider the love He has for us all!

Silence Never Broken...until now

2008-08-01T12:21:00.000-07:00

I wonder what he would have said to each of us,
If he had been able to speak?
I wonder what actions he would have taken,
If he had known what was to come?
I often find myself thinking that he would have prepared things a little better. I think that he would have sheltered us from unpleasant things; unsightly things. I KNOW he would have told us how deeply he loved us and he would have told us how proud he was. I am jealous, truly jealous, that he shared his last words with someone other than us. I wouldn’t have then, but I long, now, to hear his voice once more. All the months of silence now come to haunt me at unexpected times, like today. The silence that I chose then hurts so badly now.
I wonder what I would have said to him,
If I had been able to speak?
I wonder what actions I would have taken,
If I had known what was to come?
I often find myself thinking that I would have spoken sooner, that I would have loved more openly, and that I would not have held on to pain for so long. My painful, broken, silence, will never really be broken.

Planning vs. Surrendering

2008-07-05T16:45:00.000-07:00

" The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord. All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight, but the Lord weighs the motives. Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established. The Lord has made everything for it's own purpose, even the wicked for the day of evil." ~ Proverbs 16:1-4

The verse that really strikes me out of this passage is the third one. It is the verse that urges us to turn over whatever we may have planned to the Lord. As much as these verses are speaking to the need of committing our plans, our hearts, and our lives to Christ, it is also very powerfuly urging us to surrender to, and, trust in the Lord.

In current days, I have become aware of the struggles around me. People all around the country and the world are struggling with the economic situation. I don't think I could come across a person who wouldn't appreciate the cost of fuel, groceries, etc. to decrease. My friends and my family all know the pain that the cost of living has become. As a nation, we all seem to slowly be falling into a pit of despair. We are despondant about gas, politics, and how we are going to be able to pay the bills for this month. Here is some good news: As Christians, we can rest in the promise that the Lord will pick us up out of any pit, and establish our feet.

In Luke, we can read Jesus' words to His disciples. he tells them that the ravens don't worry about how they are going to be fed, nor do they sow or reap, yet they are fully provided for by the Lord. "How much more valuable you are than the birds!" (Luke 12:24b) Wow! That gives me chills to read and really think about right now. Jesus goes on to tell the disciples that worrying does not add time to your life. Beautiful and delicate words are what Jesus uses when speaking to his disciples. Near the end of His speech, Jesus says these words:
"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the Kingdom."(Luke 12:32)

Today, as you read this, I want you to consider a few things:

First, please bear with me. My mind is going 100 miles an hour right now.

Second, consider the application of the Proverbs passage in your life. What areas in your life have you planned out? Are you ready and willing to turn them over the Lord? you can trust Him with your everything. There is no better being to relinquish your power to than the Lord. He is waiting for you to trust Him!

Third, read over the verses in this blog, but be sure that you read and re-read Luke 12. There are powerful lessons and words of Christ in this chapter. The middle of the chapter should serve as a comfort to just about anyone.

Fourth, and finally, know that the Lord wants a relationship with you. If you have had an intimate relationship with Him in the past, are feeling that you have taken many steps backwards, there is fantastic news: The Lord is only one turn away, right behind you. he loves you and wants to give you His entire Kingdom. That is so much better than anything your or my heart can possible ever plan.

I want to end with a verse that I believe blends with the first passage:
"'For I know that plans that I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'" ~Jeremiah 29:11

The beauty of a broken heart is knowing Who THE Healer is.

Feet Placement

2008-06-27T09:26:00.000-07:00

He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay; And he set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. ~ Pslam 40:2

Beth Moore has penned a book that discusses the pits that we as Christians find ourselves in and she outlines ways to prevent falling in, jumping in, being decieved in AND how to get out of them all. I remember being in the middle of the Gaylord Stadium and listening to Beth Moore pour her heart out to young college age women. I have not read the book, but I can tell you if it is half as eye-opening as out hour and a half talk with Beth, it's worth buying the book (which I am planning on getting somehow!)

The Lord sees us no matter where we are or how we got there. We are His children, called by His name. He has made plans for us and He wants us to prosper. We have been chosen by Him. He will bring us out of any pit that we find ourselves in and, here's the great part, He will plant us and establish our goings...note the verse at the beginning.

That whole paragraph is full of promises and statements that the Lord has made to us or about us. What a comfort these are to us when we find our selves in pits of despair, pits of sorrow, pits of loneliness, pits of whatever adverse thing we are in. Today as you read this, wherever you are in life, be that in a pit or freshly released from the strains of one, know that the God we serve is one of restoration. He wants us to live for Him, love others from Him, and learn to trust Him withour every fiber. Live, Love, Learn...that's all He asks of us.

Behind or Ahead? Which way will do you look?

2008-06-19T15:17:00.000-07:00

Phillipians 3:13 "Bretheren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal."

As I read these words today, I remembered things in my past that I gladly would release from my mind. I considered them all and tried to group them into some basic categories. Here is what I came up with:

"I know this was wrong" Group

"I wish I would have given that more time" Group

"Gosh, I was once amazingly stupid" Group

"I would like to be able to go back and fix this" Group

"That really hurt me" Group

I am sure that if I sat longer and really took a deep dive into my memory, I would come up with a larger list. Anyways, I looked at this list. The things that I am willing to look past all are wrong doings of some kind. The list is full of regrets that I wish could be repaired, reenacted with different outcomes, or all together done away with. There is nothing positive on this list. (My brain was really rolling when this next one came to me.)

Paul urges the Phillipians to forget what lies behind them. He does not indicate negatives or positives, but to forget all that lies behind them. In this portion of the verse I heard the Lord speaking to me and my heart. He urged me to forget the successes and the failures of my past. He wants me to focus on the now and to trust Him with my future.

I don't believe that we are to totally forget everything in our past, but looking at the verse and thinking along the lines of forgetting the pride amidst our success is what seems to be the key message. Being proud of what the Lord has done in our lives is good. Being proud, and boasting, about our own accomplisments tends to preceed a fall.

Consider the things in your life that you are proud of and would readily boast about. Are they things that the Lord has given you in order to bless others? If so, are you boasting in order to bless? Is that really possible? Pray that the Lord reveals to you areas of your life that you need to place behind you in order to reach for the prize of Christ that lies before you!

All Things Are Possible

2008-06-18T17:56:00.000-07:00

In the first chapter of Luke, we read of the conception of Jesus. An angel appears, tells Mary to fear not, and then slams her with the news that she will conceive a child. The angel goes on to tell her that her son will be the Son of God. The last thing this angel says is :
"For nothing will be impossible with God." (Luke 1:37)

As I read these words today I started singing the praise chorus: All things are possible! When I'm weak you make me strong. When I'm poor, I know I;m rich for in the power of your name, All things are possible.

I find it so easy to get lost in the business of everyday. We tend to wake up, get a shower and then hit the ground running. The business and worries of the day seem to linger in the air like the steam we leave behind in the bathroom. It kinda goes away...but it plants itself in the pores of our skin. I know that I am guilty of worrying about anything and everything. I balance the checkbook and wonder where money is hiding. I look at my tires and wonder if new ones could possibly fall from heaven, instead of manna. I question if the Lord will bless my husband and me with money so that we in turn can bless others.

Then it comes to me. In a little whispered tone I hear " Be still and know that I am God. All things are possible."

Take that with you today. Know that Jesus said these words: "Do not worry then, saying 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?'" (Matthew 6:31)
The header for verses 25-34 of this chapter reads: "In relation to anxiety" in my bible. Everytime I begin to feel anxious I here Jesus' voice telling me the words above. I know that I have no need to worry about things because in and through the God that I serve, all things are possible!!!

Fatherless Day

2008-06-15T15:56:00.000-07:00

Today has been more difficult than I really expected. I woke up with a swet little boy beside me( I was babysitting overnight). He had returned from camp that day and his mom was out all night at a concert and with friends. He cried himself to sleep. He was desperate for time with his Mommy. He went to bed with nothing but her on his mind.

I went to bed thinking about laundry, my husband, and what time to get up and get the kids ready. I had not stopped and given thought that when I awoke, it would be Father's Day.

It is so hard to realize that I can't even pick up a phone and try to call him. I can't send him a card. He's gone and I really hate that I missed out on the years that I did. My heart breaks for my loss, but it is in thousands of pieces for my little sisters. At the time of his death, they were only 15 and 16. At 21 it was hard to go through all the decisions, all the machines, all the people with all their opinions. I can't imagine what they must have felt.

So today, I am thinking about what it will be like to be a mother. I have three dear friends that are pregnant. I know from them and others, just how special and miraculous parenting and birth is. I can't wait to spend Father's day with my children and husband. I long for the day that I get to tell Jeremie that he is a father. I know that he is going to be such an amazing dad.

Consider this...

2008-06-02T18:38:00.000-07:00

Today I was writing an email to a friend that I have recently rediscovered. That's right... I knew her, she allowed me to wear her veil in my wedding, I prayed for her through difficult times and not until a day or so ago did we make contact again.

So here is where the consideration begins...

I long to write a book that illustrates the grace of God in my life and in the lives of my family members. I have tried to sit and write a autobiographical account to help me get started but I always look at the words and can't help but think how lame and insufficient they are.

I've tried to write people from my life into fictional characters, mainly because some of the things that have happened to me are things you would expect out of a ficticious teen novel series. This seemed to bear nothing but lameness again.

As I was writing that email to my friend, I typed words then thought about them. I wrote to her about my desire to write a book (it is something that she too desires) and then something happened. I finished the sentence off by telling her that I have attempted and failed. " I guess the Lord is not finished giving me material and for that reason I must remain in my armor."

Is He really ever finished giving us 'material' to write about, to share with another, to praise Him for, or to seek Him through? I don't think so.

I recognize that the Lord has given my the love of writing a heart that loves to share and give. Combined together, they would be an unstopable force. My hope of writing a book will one day be achieved. It will not happen over night, because I have faith that the message the Lord wants to send out through me, is really just beginning to be written. He is slowly fingering the pages of my life and wisely and gracefully placing the right characters in the right scenes in the right chapters of my current life.

It is not an easy place to be, but I am looking forward to the edits and new editions the Lord is bringing into my life.

Today's Scarlet Letters

2008-06-01T19:18:00.000-07:00

But in our time something new has been added. What Moses and the prophets witnessed to all those years has happened. The God-setting-things-right that we read about has become Jesus-setting-things-right for us. And not only for us, but for everyone who believes in Him. For there is no difference between us and them in this. Since we've compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with Himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we're in and restored us to where He always wanted us to be. And He did it by means of Jesus Christ.
Romans 3:21-24

We all have sinned and fallen short...Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote the book most pepole have read or heard of, The Scarlet Letter. Just as the above verse indicates, we all have complied a record of sins...we know what we have done and so does Christ. This verse tells us something hopeful, dispite our poor record. If you read carefully, in between the lines, the ending of these verses tells us that there is hope through redeeming grace.

It is such a comfort to know that the God that the Puritans strove to please, had set a path for me, even back then, that was paved in grace. Amazing grace lines the path to my Heavenly Father. I am one who could wear several letters upon my chest, I am sure that you could as well. I would not be found guilty and sentenced to wear the A, but there are many others. Which letter would be placed upon your chest? How comforting is it to know that grace will cover all your transgressions?

Today, think about the Scarlet Letters that you should bear in the face of God. At the same time, think of His amazing grace that allows us to walk with Him daily. It is such a blessing to know that the God of Moses is my God as well.

The beauty of a broken heart is knowing who The Healer is.
~MRS.K