Simply Living Thoughts

In most of the world tonight, children have gone to bed excited about what the morning holds. There will be a plate of cookies with nibbles from the cookies and an empty glass of milk. There will be more presents when they wake than when they went to sleep. Stockings will be stuffed and smiles will be on faces as the world awakes after a visit from Santa Clause.

This Christmas is different for me. I could give birth to my son at anytime. I am "Great with child." It really has be thinking about Mary some 2,000 years ago. What it would be like today if I declared to my family that I was miraculously pregnant and that I knew my child was conceived by the Holy Spirit because an angel had told me so?!?!

I've thought of this before, but now, NOW that I know what it's like to carry a baby inside, I am amazed at what took place for the Lord Jesus to come to earth. Every child, in my eyes, is a miracle. God plants them within the depths of women as a gift. The woman gets to spend ten months growing close to and larger with this special present. As excited as I am to have Reid here with me soon, I can only imagine what Mary would have thought as she prepared for Jesus' birth.

I have so many hopes and prayers already lifted over Reid...but what would Mary have prayed for? " Dear Baby inside me, I hope that you grow up trusting in yourself." It's a thought that really has been filling my mind. I have prayed over Reid with joy, with fear, doubt, smiles, and tears. What would Mary have done? I suppose that she worried about raising this Christ-child. I have a human that is all human growing inside me. She had a human that was part human and part God. What a great responcibility had been placed in hers and Joseph's hands?! Greater than my mind can imagine.

If you are reading this and you are about to me or already are a momma, think about ALL the thoughts and dreams that you have/had for your sweet little miracle. Try to put your mind in a place similar to Mary's. It's almost to much to process.

This Christmas, I am thankful for the story that begins on December 25th each year and ends with Easter Sunday! I praise God for sending his son through a miracle and taking him away to provide an eternity of miracles to come. I am thankful for my Jesus who was born a man so that he could face every form of temptation as me, and yet he remained pure. I am thankful that my Jesus, who had all the power to call the angels to remove him from the cross, remained there because of the love he had for me. ( He died for ALL the sins in the world that day. I like to think that my great big Jesus though of little ol' me when he made the choice to stay.)

I am thankful for the girl named Mary, the man named Joesph, the plan of God, and the result: A baby named Jesus. I hope that all that I love and care for never forget that He is why we celebrate this holiday. We give gifts because he first was given to the world.

I am just so thankful for the sweet baby Jesus, that grew into a man and died for me, Reid, and the rest of the willing world.

Where I am today is a good place. I am warm. I am semi-comfortable. There is noone around that is traveling the same jounrey as me. I am on my own, unique and individual path right now. The comfort that I so easliy welcome is that while this is my individual jounrey, I am no alone. You know the famous picture and poem, Footprints in the Sand? That is me, right here, right now! I am being carried every step of this seemingly gloomy path by my heavenly father.


He has brought me through so many things before. I knew that he would not forget me now. He is helping me right a story of Psalms. Daily he allows me to chose to praise him in the storms and chaos. Sometimes I am able to muster the faith to raise my hands and bow my head and thank him for the works he is performing. Other days, I want to ball up my fists and thrust them in his face with a tearful, resounding "Why?"

I can remember one other time in my life where I questioned God with a sense of anger in my heart. It was a time that he proved himself as an all loving, all knowing, all providing God. I have never forgotten that feeling when His glory was revealed then. And now? Now I sit on the edge of the unknown. It's as though I have climbed a mountian. I've reached the peak. And now I am standing here waiting for the next set of directions as to what to do to get off of this mountain.

My tour guide has not abondoned me, He's right beside me.

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know how long I need to stay on top of this mountain and allow the Lord to work. I don't know anything other than this:
I trust in the Lord's plan for me. I know that ultimately, I can place all of my faith and trust in Him. He will guide me to a path ladden with blessings rather than plagued with thorns. He can bring redemption and beautify the filthiest of fields.

I stand on this principal: The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the word of MY LORD stands forever.

Dearest MB,
        Tomorrow you might get your name. I am going to have an ultrasound that might reveal your gender. I am quite excited to get this news!

         I have felt you moving inside me. It's a little flicker here and there. You do it most often after I eat or when I roll over while sleeping. It took me a while to be sure that it was you, but now I know your subtle and gentle movements by heart.
  
         MB, I love you more than words can describe. Please know that your daddy and I are looking forward to your entrance into this world and our lives. We are working very hard to give you the best in all things. It's not always going to be easy, but it will always be worth it. The Lord is at great work in your father and I. I hope that you feel the presence of your heavenly father already in your life. I love you, my little miracle. I love you more than I will ever be able to tell you. May my actions towards you speak of my love greater than any word I share with you.

Dear MB, 
    It's been a while since I've written to you. I think about you all the time. You are already stealing my heart away from things that used to matter to me. In the mornings, you are still making me a little sick, but you're beginning to ease off on me! Thank you for the easing off ;- ) We get up every morning at 6 am. We have the quiet house to ourselves. In the shower I pray over you as I wash my hair and especially when I wash my tummy. It blows my mind when I think about you being just on the other side of my hand.

When I drive to work, we praise the God that has given you to me and your daddy. There is a certain part of the drive where we round a curve, start accelerating to merge into traffic, all the while heading down hill, and then it happens. The sun is starting to rise into the high sky. The oranges and yellows of sunrise color fill the sky like smoke billowing from a fire. It never ceases to cause me to say out loud: "Wow! God you are so amazing!"

A lot of times, I sing really loud because I am enthralled with the presence of HIM who sent you our way. I believe that you are going to be one well loved child. When we get to work, the children all ask about how you're doing and when will I get to tell them if you are a boy or a girl! They want to know so much more than I do at this point. 

Here's a funny story straight out of the camp chronicles:
   I was watching the kids over their lunch break while all the other staffers were out to lunch. I was eating, and not bu any means was this surprising, salt and vinegar chips. One of the kids walked up to me and told me that I really should not be eating those. "They are not organic.  If you want your baby to be healthy and smart like me, you need to eat only organic food now. And when the baby is born, you need to make homemade organic baby food for it." 

See, even the 10 year olds that are in my life love and want the best for you. It's a great thing!

On our way home from work, we are quiet. After 9 hours oh thirty or more children, the quiet is nice. That seems to be the time that I get emotional when thinking about you. I get teared up when I think about you and our future together with us and your daddy. I sometimes cry because I already love you so much and only want the best for you. The journey home is filled with thoughts of you, my precious little baby within.

I am already so deeply in love with you. I can't wait to meet you and see your face for the first time. I've started to try to figure out a name for you. I've , at least, begun the long process of what I like, what sounds good, and what has great meaning. It will be a little more simple once I know your gender, though I do have a sneaking suspicion I alredy know what that is.


MB, 
  I hope that you always know your mommy and daddy love you and want nothing but the best for you. We want to point you in the direction of your Heavenly Father. We will fail you. We will fall short in this world, not on purpose by any means,  but, it will happen. Please know that HE will never fail you. My hope is to train you in a way that you know that God is your portion. He will never be too little nor too much for you. HE will always be there in the right proportion for you my and more importantly HIS child. May the love that we have for you now, cause you to grow in the warmest and most precious way. 
 I love you more than anything in this world, 
                                      Mommy.

I've been floating around on cloud nine; basking in the dreams and ambitions I already have for my precious little MB. I am staring to look pregnant and not just fat, but I am guessing losing 30 pounds has something to do with that.

Last time I wrote, I was getting ready to go see MB for the first time. I left here minutes after posting and went to the doctor's office. I knew in my heart of hearts that I was somewhere around 6 weeks. As I lied there on the ultrasound table, I felt about as nervous as the moments right before walking down the isle to get married. I was so sure that God had given us a miracle in the form of a child, yet at the same time, I had this unexplainable fear that I was going to be told I only had a chemical pregnancy. It only took about 4 seconds from the time the lights were dimmed and the technician said, "Okay, let's see this baby!" that WE DID!

There, on a black and white screen in front of my was out little blueberry of a child. It was ore miracle and MB was moving around all over the place. MB's heart rate was 171 beats per minute. MB has a head and arms with little hands and legs with little feet. I asked her to just let me watch MB for a few seconds. She held the wand still and there was my baby; heart just a beating away, head just a noding away in a away to say to me: "Yes! I am in here!" As captivated MBs form in all it's precious and amazing smallness on that screen, I just cried.  I cried tears of victory over man's lack of faith in God. I cried in sheer amazement that the Lord has appointed THIS as the time for ME to be a mother and Jeremie a father. I cried because I just met a miracle!

I STILL do not have the pictures scanned and the ability to post them! Shame on me for not being technologically motivated to find a scanner after working for 9 hours with 30 + kids, right? ( I will eventually get to posting those pictures!)

That said, My reality these days is this: I am tired. Often. I still have morning sickness. All day. I find myself crying for no obvious reason. And today is Friday. I have plans this weekend: sleep as much as freakin' possible.

Today marks a new beginning to the story I will one day tell MB. It will start something like this:

               The day that I first saw you was a Friday. I had been sick all morning and was just sheer tired from my first week working at Summer Camp. Tending to 30 kids is drastically different than tending to one. That morning, I woke up and started packing for our family trip to Texas where we went to visit your Aunt Janine, Uncle JP, and Cousin (yet to be named.)

It will so something like that anyways!

Today I am so excited that I get to see the little form of baby growing within me. I am so excited to maybe see a little heart beating and to GET PICTURES of the baby. I hope MB likes the concept of having lots of pictures taken! Anyways, I am off to the doctor's now. I just had to type out something to calm my nerves!

Today I was a little sad to try to slip into a pair of jeans. I've lost over 15 pounds now with this baby on board, but the waist is not getting smaller. That little poppy seed sized baby is changing me BIG time. Today, I am wishing that I had a pair of the magical jeans from the upcoming hit: Sisterhood of the Traveling Maternity Pants.
I have included the cover of the movie for you here. In a picture perfect world, these pants will fit all women all the time. I need a pair today. Instead of stylish jeans for my appointment today, I will wear stretchy pants. Just typing that I am haunted by none other than...
Nacho Libre in HIS stretchy pants. It's all I can hear in my head. "When you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants. In your room. For fun."

Folks, stretchy pants are already a necessity in my wardrobe. This is going to be a fun ride through all the changes pregnancy brings. Stay tuned. There are sure to be more stories like the one brought to you today. Enjoy. Laugh. Wear Stretchy pants in YOUR room tonight!